


why roxy and dirk shouldn't be left without supervision

by orphan_account



Series: dialoglogs after victory but before earth c [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Bisexual Roxy, Dialoglogs (Homestuck), F/F, F/M, Lesbian Kanaya Maryam, M/M, Past Jake English/Dirk Strider, Poly Roxy Lalonde, Roxy Lalonde/Dirk Strider Moirallegiance, Roxy is a Little Shit, john's just kinda there, shhhhhhhhhhh, terezi being her wonderful self
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:07:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28058925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: KANAYA: Its Slightly Concerning How Similar You Two Are ActuallyKANAYA: Especially With How Unattracted I Am To YouDIRK: ... Right.--A conversation between three kids and a troll that rapidly goes downhill.
Relationships: Calliope/Roxy Lalonde, Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, John Egbert/Roxy Lalonde, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam, Roxy Lalonde & Dirk Strider, but only if you really really squint - Relationship, that's right i said poly roxy rights
Series: dialoglogs after victory but before earth c [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2055336
Comments: 5
Kudos: 40





	why roxy and dirk shouldn't be left without supervision

JOHN: hi roxy!  
ROXY: heyyyyy john  
ROXY: this is dirky i luv him even tho hes a big idiot  
JOHN: oh. dave's bro, right?  
DIRK: Something like that.  
JOHN: this whole ectobiological clones of our parents thing is so weird, haha.  
ROXY: and dirk this is kanaya my moms vampire alien gf  
KANAYA: Hello Dirk Nice To Meet You  
KANAYA: John I Dont Think We Have Spoken Before So It Is Nice To Meet You As Well  
JOHN: yep, we sure haven't!  
JOHN: (hehehe.)  
DIRK: You two haven't talked before?  
JOHN: nahhhh, not at allllll. heh.  
KANAYA: :?  
DIRK: I just got the impression from Dave and his,  
DIRK: His Karkat.  
DIRK: Dave and his Karkat.  
ROXY: u rly r a whole lot like rosey :,)  
DIRK: Yeah, it's viable that my ectobiological daughter and I would have something in common.  
DIRK: It's a little inevitable, actually, genetics-wise.  
JOHN: you ARE just like her!  
KANAYA: Its Slightly Concerning How Similar You Two Are Actually  
KANAYA: Especially With How Unattracted I Am To You  
DIRK: ... Right.  
DIRK: But I got the impression that the trolls and the humans had a kind of free-for-all, in your session.  
DIRK: Like an orgy, but over respective chat clients and without the sex.  
KANAYA: But Not Without The Sexual Tension  
ROXY: pff  
DIRK: Ha. Thanks for the clarification.  
JOHN: i mostly just talked to karkat and vriska.  
JOHN: and terezi a little.  
KANAYA: Yes  
KANAYA: Nobody Was Quite As Zealous About The Trolling As Karkat So I Understand How Youd Come To The Nonsex Orgy Conclusion From Talking To Him  
DIRK: I regret that metaphor so much.  
KANAYA: I Believe Karkat Became Familiar With All Of The Beta Kids Except Rose  
KANAYA: Probably Because He Trusted Me To Be Able To Troll Her Well  
KANAYA: And Maybe Also Because She Scared Him  
KANAYA: She Is A Little Scary I Myself Was Intimidated At First  
KANAYA: However Over Time I Did Crack Her Open  
KANAYA: Like A Human Egg  
KANAYA: Not A Human Egg As In An Egg Laid By A Human  
KANAYA: A Human Egg Because Thats A Thing That Humans Say  
KANAYA: To Be Honest Im Not Actually Sure What An Egg Is And Rose Just Tells Me Riddles When I Ask Her  
KANAYA: What Came First The Chicken Or The Egg  
KANAYA: What Sort Of Nonsensical Statement Is That   
DIRK: It's a classic human paradox.  
DIRK: Humans have toiled over it for generations. It's considered a rite of passage to waste time arguing about it.  
DIRK: Trust me, Rose wasn't expecting an answer.  
DIRK: In fact, it's a kind of hazing.  
DIRK: If you ever want to be truly human, that's the ticket.  
KANAYA: I Dont Particularly Want To Be Human But Ill Keep It In Mind  
DIRK: Your decision.  
KANAYA: And Now That I Listen To The Second Striders Tangent I Realize That I Went On One Myself  
KANAYA: Sorry  
ROXY: ye but its ok  
ROXY: was hella cute  
KANAYA: Ok  
DIRK: How many trolls are there, anyway?  
KANAYA: Technically Twenty Four  
KANAYA: But In Our Session Twelve  
DIRK: But I only see...  
DIRK: Oh.  
ROXY: (dirk!!!!)  
DIRK: Sorry.  
KANAYA: Its Okay  
KANAYA: I Murdered One Of The People Who  
KANAYA: Cut Down Our Numbers Shall We Say  
KANAYA: It Was Very Satisfying  
DIRK: What happened to the rest of the murderous trolls?  
DIRK: Don't elbow me, Roxy.  
KANAYA: One Is In The Fridge Over There  
KANAYA: I Did In Fact Plan To Kill Him As Well However Vriska Got To Him First  
JOHN: oh, that's what's in the fridge!  
KANAYA: And The Other One Is Vriska Herself  
DIRK: Damn. Troll chicks really are cold-hearted.  
JOHN: wellllll.  
KANAYA: Wellllll What  
JOHN: i dunno if i should say this but  
JOHN: vriska talked to me right after she did it, and she seemed pretty regretful!  
KANAYA: I Knew That  
KANAYA: If She Didnt Regret It Then She Wouldnt Have Made Tavros A Sprite  
KANAYA: Tavros Is The One She Murdered By The Way  
DIRK: I'm pretty sure we figured that one out.  
JOHN: oh. i guess that was pretty useless to tell you that then, huh?  
KANAYA: Yes  
KANAYA: But In The Words Of Roxy  
KANAYA: "Its Ok"  
KANAYA: "Was Hella Cute"  
ROXY: that  
ROXY: was hella cute 2 oh em gee  
JOHN: heh.  
ROSE: Kanaya?  
KANAYA: Yes Rose  
ROSE: Will you bring John over here?  
KANAYA: Sure  
ROXY: awwwww  
ROXY: aint nothin that fills u w the warm fuzzies like your mom n her vampire alien gf bein adorbs 2gether  
KANAYA: I Am Going To Assume That "Adorbs" Is A Compliment  
ROXY: u assume CORRECTLY  
DIRK: Honestly, I'm just happy for you, Roxy.  
ROXY: huh?  
DIRK: You have an actual healthy relationship to fawn over, instead of the clusterfuck I made of mine.  
ROXY:  
ROXY: hoo boy  
JOHN: uh, what are you guys talking about?  
DIRK: ...  
ROXY: ...  
KANAYA: Um  
KANAYA: This Is Getting A Little Awkward So I Will No Longer Stall Going Over To The Other Group On The Platform In Vain Hopes That Dave And Karkat Might Shut Up And Give Me An Appropriate Entrance Into The Conversation  
KANAYA: Come On John  
JOHN: hRK  
ROXY: dont grab him by the  
ROXY: aaaaaand shes gone  
DIRK: He's god-tier, and apparently has bullshit timeline powers on top of that. I'm sure John will be fine.  
ROXY: heheh he sure is fine  
DIRK: Oh?  
DIRK: Did I detect a hint of innuendo?  
ROXY: mayhaps  
DIRK: Hmm.  
DIRK: I'll have to evaluate this "John" character.  
ROXY: omg  
DIRK: See if he's up to snuff.  
ROXY: stop with the cheesy old man act im gonna die  
DIRK: He is pretty cute.  
DIRK: In a Jake-ish sort of way.  
ROXY: jfc  
ROXY: and that is jfc as in jesus fucking christ not jentucky fried chicken  
DIRK: Oh shit.  
ROXY: thats right thats how mad i am  
ROXY: just  
ROXY: can u plz plz PLZ stfu about jake  
ROXY: 4 one minute i want to not think abt him n his dumb microshorts  
DIRK: Did you have to mention the microshorts?  
ROXY: i am sending you to horny jail  
DIRK: Like you wouldn't be right in there with me.  
ROXY: lol u rite  
ROXY: but w8 r we makin a whole horny jail gang  
ROXY: i call kanaya being my partner  
DIRK: Hey, no fair.  
DIRK: Besides, for some reason I can't picture her in there with us.  
ROXY: do u think shes running from the feds  
ROXY: cant catch her  
ROXY: every time they get close the cops are like god damn this lady is just 2 byootiful n graceful  
ROXY: she can NOT b the criminal were looking 4  
ROXY: sry maam u can go  
DIRK: Exactly.  
DIRK: Kanaya's our woman on the inside.  
DIRK: Or woman on the outside.  
DIRK: She gets us our  
DIRK: Uh  
ROXY: horny supplies  
DIRK: Yeah, sure.  
ROXY: hmmmmmm who else  
DIRK: I bet Karkat has some secret fucked-up fantasies.  
ROXY: dirk  
DIRK: What?  
DIRK: Look at him.  
DIRK: Tell me he isn't the most tsundere fucker you've ever seen.  
ROXY: idkkkkk  
ROXY: look @ his reactions to daves accidental innuendos  
DIRK: Good point.  
DIRK: Terezi, though.  
ROXY: terezi is def horny  
TEREZI: 1 DO H4V3 F4NT4ST1C HORNS  
TEREZI: TH3Y 4R3 PO1NTY 4ND TH3 B3ST  
ROXY: haha yes we were totes talking abt that n not sex things  
TEREZI: 1 4M 4LSO HORNY 1N TH4T W4Y  
TEREZI: >;]  
TEREZI: W1NK W1NK  
TEREZI: I S41D TH4T 1N C4S3 YOU COULDNT C4TCH MY PHYS1C4L W1NK1NG B3C4US3 1M W34R1NG BOMB 4SS GL4SS3S  
ROXY: lmao  
DIRK: And Calliope has to be included.  
ROXY: omg rly  
DIRK: I'm not elaborating.  
ROXY: tis a v useful lil nugget of info  
DIRK: Don't you dare elaborate either.  
ROXY: haha dw i wont ;)  
ROXY: ...  
ROXY: dirk?  
DIRK: Yes?  
ROXY: im  
ROXY: really glad you made it thru ok  
DIRK: Yeah, uh. I'm glad too.  
DIRK: That you made it through okay, not me.  
DIRK: Although I'm glad for that too. Obviously.  
ROXY: u are such an AWKWARD LIL STINKER  
DIRK: STOP THAT YOU'LL RUIN THE HAIR!  
ROXY: LIKE I GIVE A FUCK  



End file.
